Our Hearts Will Always Touch

After getting admitted for a low blood pressure on January 26th, 2012, a new scan showed that mom's cancer had spread even further.  The new chemo wasn't working.  Oncologist said, "There's nothing else we can do."  We all cried.  We didn't know how much longer she had, all we knew was this was the end of the road.

I can't believe that the center of my world was leaving.  Really? The woman who did anything and everything for my family and I isn't going to be with us anymore.  I was in shock.


I knew she had cancer, but I didn't think all of this was going to go down so soon.  I thought, "Aren't people supposed to have cancer for a couple years before they go on hospice?", and "Why? WHY? WHY?"  

Mom joined Jesus on Feb. 5th, 2012 after only a week on hospice.  She is now our angel in heaven, building a beautiful tea garden and with other loved ones she has missed all these years.

Mom said and did some pretty incredible things during her last week and half of her life, too much to write right now, but I promise, I will eventually write it for you all to see.


She was the love and joy of our lives and always will be.  We miss you so much already mom, but I know you are okay and I can't wait till we are all together once again.  You don't have cancer anymore.  You are free.  I love you with all of my heart.  Thank you for being my mommy.

Found this beautiful poem and wanted to share it with you all:

Our Hearts Will Always Touch

© Ranja Kujala

When I laid there beside you,

Could you feel me there?

My arms were wrapped around you,

And I was stroking your hair.

I was talking about all the good times,

For me they were every single day.

I wanted you to feel love and comfort,

And happy in some way.

I watched your every breath,

And prayed that each one wasn't your last.

The time we got to share together,

Went by too quick...Too fast.

I wanted you to wake up,

Please Mum...Open your eyes.

Tell me this is a nightmare,

And not our goodbyes.

As your last breath grew closer,

We lay there peacefully together.

My heart continually breaking,

Because I wanted you forever.

Then there it was,

Your final breath of air.

I didn't want to believe it,

This is so cruel and not fair.

I held your beautiful face,

And prayed you'd breath again.

I wasn't ready for you to go,

I couldn't admit that this was the end.

But then I realized that you were now in peace,

And not suffering anymore.

You were beginning the life of an Angel,

And your body would no longer be sore.

I held you close and squeezed you tight,

And tried to say goodbye.

I've lost my Mum and my number one best friend,

All my heart could do is cry.

I slowly got up,

I wanted so much to stay.

I leaned over and gave you one more kiss,

It was so hard to walk away.

Mum you are my entire world,

And I miss you so very much.

I wish I could feel your loveable cuddle,

And your soft and gentle touch.

But for now I have to wait,

Until we meet again.

You will always be in my heart and thoughts,

My dear Mum and best friend.

Always and Forever,

Our hearts will always touch.

Always and Forever,

Your baby girl loves you so much.

Source: Our Hearts Will Always Touch, Cancer Poem http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/our-hearts-will-always-touch#ixzz1jrYNwnVx 
Family Friend Poems 

Expressions

Mom has been doing okay lately.  She's still pretty drowsy from all the pain meds which has caused her to take a couple falls but she was luckily alright, and has lost some weight.  Doctor says we need to start giving her more protein shakes and try to make her eat as many calories as her body allows.  She is currently on the second round of Alimta.   She has been having a lot of nausea in the mornings, but overall less pain, thankfully.  I hate seeing her have pain. One more round, and then the next PET scan to see how the current chemo is working.  

Pray everyone.

I have been thinking of a way to always keep mom a part of me wherever I go, so I decided to get a tattoo with some of her favorite things, the hummingbird and alberta wild rose.  

I absolutely LOVE it.  

It is beautiful and elegant in every way, just like momma. 

Here is a pic!

"My body is a journal in a way.  It's like what sailors used to do, where every tattoo meant something, a specific time in your life when you make a mark on yourself." 

~Johnny Depp

Prayer

"God, You wept as Lazarus was laid into the tomb, yet You also gave him new life. Grant me new life, too, as I journey through mom's cancer. Hold my hand no matter how rocky the path, and remind me, no matter how badly I feel, that I am Your beloved child, with whom You are well pleased. Heal me in body, mind, and spirit, and make me whole again in You. Amen."

Strength

A Woman Of Strength

A woman of strength,

Has courage to face the day,

And the confidence,

To handle whatever comes her way.

A woman of strength,

Has so much love to give,

And more compassion,

It gives her a reason to live.

A woman of strength,

Can face trouble with more hope,

Face adversity,

Always finding the strength to cope.

A woman of strength,

Can take the bad with the good,

And learn from it all,

With a sense of pride that’s understood.

A woman of strength,

Can conduct herself with grace,

Hold her head up high,

And dignity always has its place.

A woman of strength,

Can face almost anything,

And can look forward,

To what the future will possibly bring…

{©2008 Jan Brooks}

You are strong momma!  Keep fighting! 


LOVE YOU WITH EVERYTHING I HAVE.

Not an easy read...

We found out mom's PET scan results on friday.. the cancer has spread...

I am heartbroken.

Dr. says he has a plan B called Alimta.  Hope this one works.  We need her here still.

I hate writing these blog posts with bad news.

Please everyone pray this current medication works for her.

Love to all.

Heather

"Hope"  by Crystal T

Its Magic & Its Free

Its not in a prescription

Its not in a IV

 It punctuates out laughter

It Sparkles in our tears

It simmers under sorrows

and Dissipates our fears

 Do you know hope is?

Its reaching past today

Its dreaming of tomorrow

Its trying a new way

 Its Questioning All the Answers

                                  And always seeking more"    

Holiday Greetings!!

Hello all!  Hope everyone is having a great holiday season.  We are taking it day by day here ( as we have been this year). 

Here is the latest of whats been going on around here:

*After about 3 visits to the emergency room between Kathleen and my mom in the last couple of weeks, everyone is now happy to be at home.

*Mom is finished with Round 5 of chemo, and will be onto the next round this week.  She is tolerating everything very good, and although she is pretty drowsy from the pain medication, she has still managed to keep busy around the house.  PET scan was done on the 9th... we are still waiting for results, and PRAYING for positive results.. 

*Kathleen got appendicitis and needed emergency surgery the beginning of this month.  She was in the hosptial for 2 days and feeling a lot better now. 

*I adopted a sweet little girl puppy (Whippet, German Shepard, Lab mix), Sophie, who is lifting our spirits and keeping us busy.  Mom and Dad didn't want her at first, but now see that having her around is helping us get through this difficult time. 

  *We drove to a house in Valley Center that went all out on their christmas lights.  Watch the video :)

  * We also went to Poway and visited a street that gets all decked out on Christmas lights.  Here's a few pics :)

ROUND 5!

Hey everyone!

Just giving you all a little update.

Round 5 was last week.   Mom has been doing pretty well regarding the circumstances.  She has had quite a bit of pain in her lower back, nausea, and drowsiness from all the pain medication. She had to go to the doctors the last couple of days to get some extra IV fluids due to her nausea.  Thankfully, I think these symptoms are improving.  Usually the first week of chemo is the hardest on mom, but as well all know, she is super strong, and hanging tough as always.  Must be the German in her!

We met up with her brother, Hillis and his wife Pat yesterday for dinner.  It was nice seeing them and catching up.  Whenever family is in town, it makes me wish they all lived closer to us.

Kathleen turned 22 yesterday as well! We of course had to embarrass her with the Applebees' "Happy Birthday" singing servers.  I think she secretly liked it though :)

Mom and I have been working diligently on the family scrape books.  We have 6 were doing now, and we're finally almost finished with a few :)  I don't think I realized how big of a project this was, but it has all been worth it!

I'm also trying to figure out something else we can do with mom that doesn't take much effort (since she is pretty drowsy lately).  Sooo... if anyone has any ideas, please let me know! Hope everyone is doing well! Love you all!!