Keep on keepin' on!

"Time to photoshop my life. Touch up the edges, adjust the tones, blur out the background, focus on me, and crop people out." --Unknown

Life has changed in so many ways these past four months since mom has been gone.  This is an adjustment.  I still sometimes don't believe it's real.

God, thank you for bringing me peace and comfort when I need you.  I wish people embraced you more, I KNOW the world would be a much better place.

To my sisters and dad- love you with all my heart.  We're in this crazy ride without momma now, but she gave us the right tools to make it through the rest of our lives.

To the people that have left my life recently, thank you for the good times.  I will always cherish the memories.  I am a better person for knowing you all.  Life goes on.  Time to close this chapter in my life and finally say hello to the next one.  It's gonna be a beautiful chapter, I just know it :)

Love is not enough....

"Love Is Not Enough" by Jo Dee Messina


Sometimes I have to tell myself to keep on breathing
My heart is not believing you're gone
I try hard to remind myself time will do the healing
'Cause right now I'm not feeling all that strong

Everything's a memory
And they're taunting me
Just one simple thing
And I'll break down and cry

Chorus:
Why I wanna scream it's just not fair
Pray to god I didn't care
I wanna turn back time
Turn back time and have you here with me
I want to find someone to blame
But sometimes life gets in the way
And it doesn't care how much we love
'Cause sometimes love is just not enough

Oh we took a chance we gave it all we had and couldn't make it
It didn't work for all the times we tried
No matter how we loved, it seemed the odds were stacked against us
Now we have to live our separate lives

Well I'm not ready yet
Too much to forget
Oh it still feels like
A part of me is dying

Repeat chorus

Sometimes love is just not
How come love is just not
Enough

thoughts

I am feeling.... lots of emotions lately...here's what I can compute what's going on in my head now...

1). I'm more accepting of losing mom.  She is still in my dreams, so I know she is around and loving us in the way that she can.  I love you so much mom, but I know you would tell me right now that I just have to carry on and tough it out, because that is exactly what you did when your parents went to Heaven.

2). In the need of getting on with my life, I am becoming more flexible by not having expectations of anything I once had.  Once I started to think that I was in complete control of my life, God stepped in and changed that.  I am here for a purpose to serve him ultimately, which I am still discovering...and probably will be for the rest of my life.  So we'll see what life brings in the future.. with the good and the bad....

3).  In loosing mom, I have re-discovered myself in a sense.  I believe she was destined to go to Heaven for a few reasons;
                           a). God needed her back.  ( I hope I get to find out why someday)
                           b). Her mission here on earth was completed.
                           c). My family and I can find our own path individually without mom's
                                influence (she was such a strong leader in our family that instead of us thinking on  
                                our own, we turned to her for advice on everything).

4). I hate that people don't understand what I am going through (besides my dad and sisters).  I have lost a couple friends that I thought would be around forever, only to find out, they only liked the "fun" Heather, and disregarded the Heather that was sad, depressed, and not herself.  The bad times will show you who truly cares.  Everyone is selfish to a certain point, but finding the friends that stick around during the horrible storm, will ultimately reap the benefits after the storm has passed.

Everyone will go through a hard time in this life.  How you react to it is what matters.  Who you surround yourself with is what matters. Just learn and apply the knowledge.  GROW. ALWAYS.